Happy Birthday Shu

It's your Birthday Darling Shu!

Ten months have passed but sometimes when I think of the day you went away, I still feel the gripping pain as though my heart has stopped and is ripped apart.

Other times when I talk about you and our times together, I laugh uncontrollably until my tummy starts to hurt.

You were the the day and night, the sun and the thunder *laughs* You were anything but ordinary.

I thank God for bringing such a beautiful soul into life on the 16th of October 1983.

It' is better to have had and lost you than to never have had you at all.

Our friendship changed me. Parts of me went with you when you left us but the seeds you've planted in me will continue to grow and I'll carry parts of you with me for the rest of my life.

I Did Not Die

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow;

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain;

I am the gentle Autumn’s rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush.

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft star that shines at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there;

I did not die.

- Anon -

A letter for Shu

Dearest Shu,

After today, I realised that I'll never get to see you on earth again. I know that you're with God but when I placed the rose on you, it felt as if my heart was carved out and was left with a gapping hole. I can only imagine how your family and the girls felt at that time.

I'm not sure how long it'll take for the wound to heal or how I'd react when I don't see you online anymore. Against logic and sanity I was still checking my inbox, hoping to receive a reply from you. I don't know why I did that.

But you know what Shu? I've finally accepted that you're gone. I ate and even laughed when I was looking through our old photos. You brought me so much sunshine and laughter when you were around so memories of you should not bring me tears. I promise that I'll listen to your last advice which was to
'be strong and look forward'.

I'll carry your infectious laughter, quirky expressions, beautiful smile and heartwarming hugs with me for the rest of my life. I love you babe and I always will.

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear not fate
(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are
whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder
that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings