Happy Birthday Shu

It's your Birthday Darling Shu!

Ten months have passed but sometimes when I think of the day you went away, I still feel the gripping pain as though my heart has stopped and is ripped apart.

Other times when I talk about you and our times together, I laugh uncontrollably until my tummy starts to hurt.

You were the the day and night, the sun and the thunder *laughs* You were anything but ordinary.

I thank God for bringing such a beautiful soul into life on the 16th of October 1983.

It' is better to have had and lost you than to never have had you at all.

Our friendship changed me. Parts of me went with you when you left us but the seeds you've planted in me will continue to grow and I'll carry parts of you with me for the rest of my life.

I Did Not Die

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow;

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain;

I am the gentle Autumn’s rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush.

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft star that shines at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there;

I did not die.

- Anon -

A letter for Shu

Dearest Shu,

After today, I realised that I'll never get to see you on earth again. I know that you're with God but when I placed the rose on you, it felt as if my heart was carved out and was left with a gapping hole. I can only imagine how your family and the girls felt at that time.

I'm not sure how long it'll take for the wound to heal or how I'd react when I don't see you online anymore. Against logic and sanity I was still checking my inbox, hoping to receive a reply from you. I don't know why I did that.

But you know what Shu? I've finally accepted that you're gone. I ate and even laughed when I was looking through our old photos. You brought me so much sunshine and laughter when you were around so memories of you should not bring me tears. I promise that I'll listen to your last advice which was to
'be strong and look forward'.

I'll carry your infectious laughter, quirky expressions, beautiful smile and heartwarming hugs with me for the rest of my life. I love you babe and I always will.

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear not fate
(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are
whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder
that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

Time out?

It's almost year end, most of us are probably looking forward to our bonus. With God's blessings, we hope that it'll be a good one to reflect the hard work that we've put in the entire year. But the more crucial question is, what's in for us after this? 2007 is almost coming to an end. Most of my new year's resolution for 2007 has not yet been achieved still. Where do I stand?

To make things worst, weekends are never long enough. Holidays are what we need, but before you know it, you're back in the office on a Monday and by Friday, you're planning your next trip because you are exhausted. Often, we find ourselves looking forward to the weekend and dreading going back to work on Monday. Jobs once handled by a team are now dumped on just one, and that would be US.

Stress levels are sky rocketing. Deskbound and stagnant, we are envious reading and hearing about people, may it be friends or an article somewhere about where they had been jetting off to over the weekend, attending some friend's wedding in Bali or enjoying a spa in Phuket. And here you are, stuck in the office, going absolutely nowhere but amending the sad pathetic looking voluminous agreement. Sucks, yes it does. Don't we all want Anthony Bourdain's job? Travelling, eating and getting paid well?

What do all these symptoms mean? Does it mean we need a change in our life? A haircut? A makeover? A new wardrobe? Or do we need to change our lifestyle? A new job? New friends? Shopping, also known as retail theraphy which used to be a cure for most women, at least for me was my way of de-stressing. Unfortunately, a weekend at the Pavillion, an up and rising shopping destination in Kuala Lumpur has made me even more stressed than before as I think about the credit card statement which is due to be paid in 2 weeks.

What now? A sabbatical may be a way out. Sabbatical, an extended hiatus in your career to recharge and rest or perhaps acquire new skills and training. Learn to speak Korean language maybe? Improve your cooking skills? Furthering your studies might be an option too. Or maybe all you want to do is to finish reading that chic lit of yours sitting on your rack collecting dust.

It's always easier said than done. If you are thinking of going on a sabbatical, perhaps you should really start saving your money because money matter. Savings aside, you should take as much time to weigh your options and plan for a sabbatical.Mentally, you'll need to prepare for the change to your lifestyle and adjust to the lack of income. Perhaps this may the beginning to something even bigger ahead for you.

Guest writer,
Meng Choo

weekend shenanigans

I found a draft shu never completed.She's so good at writing I wish she wrote more.

"My dear friend Ctf noted that she’s been having very good weekends lately. I wish to concur. Awhile back Velvet was boring me silly but somehow, its starting to be good fun again.
Sadly though, prelounge has been dreadfully packed for the past few weeks. I’ve no idea why.. I love how the crowd there was controlled before. I braved the zoo by venturing to the main area last Saturday and it was alot less crowded, surprisingly. It was a fun-filled night all the same with many familiar faces though I initially walked into Velvet still hungover from the night before.
I love love love a good party! Some photos from the weekend :"

debut

Why are people never satisfied with what they have? I’m guilty of it myself. Having moved to and fro Melbourne so many times I am arguably the most indecisive person ever. It is tiring – settling in and trying to build a new life every time I move. I also realise that at 24, time is not exactly on my side. Each year spent in a different country is not helping me grow my career, nor is it helping me find stable ground. This indecisiveness has got to stop before it ruins all the good things I am fortunate enough to have in my life. For now, the only reason I would pack my bags and move again is if it means moving up the corporate ladder.

While ranting to Rach the other day we both realise that there has been a string of events that were happening to us consecutively. Unfortunate and overwhelming events that will possibly change us, make us a kinder and better person and at the end of the day, give us belief and hope that we can and will rise above all this to be a stronger individual. For the longest time I have spent so much energy and effort on things I cannot change, and it took a great deal of confusion, self-doubt, alcohol and one too many lessons to finally realise that ultimately, the only person we can change is ourselves. And that, I suppose, is just part of growing up.

More fabulous or not?

Welcome to Shuzanne's and Rachel's blog! This blog is dedicated to women who are almost too fabulous! Well, it is dedicated to them for today, at least. You can be almost too fab for your own good or maybe, you're not 'too fab' yet cos like every other woman, you have your own insecurities.

Today, I have an overwhelming need to talk about dating guys who are more fabulous than we are, so here we go. Basically, I would divide them into 3 categories:

1. Guys who are indeed more fab than we are like Wang LeeHom or Brad Pitt
2. Guys who think or who delude themselves into thinking that they are more fab but are actually NOT!
3. Guys who know that they are not more fab but have the skills to make you believe that they are!!

Category 1: Guys who are indeed more fab than we are like Wang LeeHom or Brad Pitt.

I forgive category 1 because if you indeed choose to date a guy who is by far, better looking than you are, then you have to deal with the whole package that comes along with insecurities and inferiority complex on your side. But more importantly, I forgive them cos it's more worthwhile dating them than dating guys from category 2 and 3.

Category 2 :Guys who think or who delude themselves into thinking that they are more fab but are actually NOT!

These guys should really wake up and smell the crap! You're fooling nobody but yourselves!And you look like idiots! Never date a guy from category 2 cos they are so full of themselves and yet, so insecure that they have to live in their own little delusionary world, mostly constructed during their unpopular days in high school. I can't stand them!

They even tell their gfs (hence, my gfs) that they are so desirable and important when my gfs are so much more fab inside out. It's ok if you're not cute, just get a personality! Stop kidding yourselves!

I fell in love with the song 'complicated' by Avril Lavigne back in uni. She's such a blunt daring revolutionary artiste.

She sang,
'Somebody else round everyone else.
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated'!

Now, it's time to tackle the most important breed.

Category 3: Guys who know that they are not more fab but have the skills to make you believe that they are!!

These are the real players.They lead the pack. Don't get me wrong. I despise them but I somehow have more respect for them, comparatively speaking. They have mastered the skill to manipulate our minds. It's a cruel but clever skill. They know who they are and they are not trying to live in self-deception. No, but much contrary to that, they know their strengths and weaknesses so well that they can use them so precisely and effectively on us.

I have interviewed a few branded players who date women who are much more fab than they are but somehow,they manage to make the girls so insecure and crazy about them. Let me share a story with you. Pass this on to warn your gfs. Laughs!

A guy told me that he would totally ignore the fabulous girl after a date. This is will make her feel insecure about herself. She'll think that she's not as fab as she thinks or that he's not that into her.After that, he'll change his phone number and completely disappear for a week.

By then, she'll start hating him and yet, she won't be able to stop thinking about him and she'll be craving for his attention. And just as she steps into the love/hate zone, he'll call her to tell her that he's below her apartment, with 2 tickets to Paris for the weekend!!

I respect their skills but not their moral values. Look, girl, if you're dating a category 3, you're swimming in extremely dangerous water. I know it's exciting but these guys are the predators out to hunt the best victims they can find. They might really fancy you but they'll always love themselves much more. Also girls, NEVER enter into a relationship thinking you can change such a guy or be their saviour. If you want to be with him just be prepared for the consequences. Accept him as he is.

Here's my last story for today.

Once, a scorpion asked a frog if it could climb on top of it so that the frog can help it cross the river.

The frog said,
'I'm not dumb, you'd kill me with your poisonous sting'!

Scorpion replied,
'I'm not dumb either. If I kill you we'll both drown'!

Hence, the frog took the scorpion on his back and swam across the river. But in the middle of the journey, the scorpion attacked the frog and as they were both drowning,

the frog ask, 'WHY?'!
Scorpion answered,
'I'm sorry but it is in nature to kill'.

Don't expect a guy to change his nature. Maybe he didn't want to hurt you. He might have been hurt in the process too. But he cannot change who he is. If you really insist, then let God change him, you do not want to be his saviour. You'll drown way before that.

I'm sorry I know I am not a very diplomatic girlfriend but I love my gfs too much to lie. I've been there, although maybe not the exact place but I understand. The least you can do is to know what you're dealing with and before you fall irrationally,unreasonably and unconditionally in love. If you're dating category 2 or 3, I wish you all the best! Feel free to share your triumphs and losses here.We'll always be here to listen.

With that, I'll end with parts of the lyrics from 'The Best Damn Thing' by no other than Miss I-Don't-Give-A-Crap Avril Lavigne because she never fails to make me laugh when things get a little too serious.Enjoy!

'I hate it when a guy doesn't get the door,
even though I told him yesterday and the day before...
I hate it when a guy doesn't get the tab and
I have to pull my money out and that looks bad!

Where are the hopes? Where are the dreams?
My Cinderella story scene.
When do you think they'll finally see......

I'm a scene, I'm a drama queen,
I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen!

I hate it when a guy doesn't understand why a certain time of month,
I don't want to hold his hand,
I hate it when they go out and we stayin,
and they come home smelling like their ex-girlfriends...

But I found my hopes,
I found my dreams.
My Cinderella story scene.
Now everybody's gonna see.....
I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen'!

Almost too fab,
Rachel